This is what I’m listening to as I look for jobs, check twitter, and write this entry. Why not?!

January has probably been one of the hardest, weirdest, and moody months I’ve ever experienced. Jen and I have been split now for nearly a month and at first it was confusing and I had doubts as to how we’d ever talk again or be friends. A few days after we broke up, we talked on the phone and met in Manhattan at her fav. lunch spot. Since then, we had been talking about us, about general day to day things, and reestablishing ourselves as “Jen and Kat: best friends” and not “Jen and Kat: couple.” Surprising to me, it wasn’t as hard to draw that line as I thought it would be. I had thought that if Jen and I broke up, that I’d be unable to be friends with her because I’d be too upset or sad or just unable to look at her without wanting to be back in a couple or possibly even with resentment. So far, none of that seems to exist.

Last week there was a big twitter party in San Fran and I hadn’t planned on going due to the complex situation that I was in regarding Jen. However, she asked me to come because she wanted someone there she felt comfortable with who would help her out if she felt nervous, ground her, and just be there. I said ok and was glad I did. The party was fun, meeting people was great, and being on a mini-vacation was good for both of us. On the way home, we ended up on the same plane and have been working out what to do with our things this whole week.

There’s no real drama. We weren’t ever dramatic people. I like my working life to be chaotic or busy but I want my home to be calm, stable, and a place to go where I can be myself and not be wrapped up in insanity. My home has always been my shell where I can retreat to and decompress. It also seems to be the same for Jen. She’s more relaxed here than she was in San Fran. We’re supporting each other while we also depart from each other. It’s a strange dynamic. It’s one of the calmest breakups I’ve ever heard of…

We talked about how if it was ugly, fighting, and tense it would never put closure on our relationship. It would make it feel like 5.5 years was for nothing and a waste of our time. But we grew up together, complimented each other’s personalities, and also made each other vulnerable like we’ve never had to anyone else. These things bond us and probably will never change. I hope February isn’t as rocky and I can find a job. A job would be nice.