…

Friday night when Poeks and I went to dinner with my friend and former prof and two other former Fredonia alumni – Sept 11th was brought up. I mentioned that I lost touch with a friend after that. She basically called me, then came to visit, and then that was it.

This was someone who I had once thought I loved, or was in love with – and really, it was just friendship that was blurred and unhealthy and well, she strung me along a little too. In the end, I was the doormat. But anyway…

Julie & Julia takes place in 2002 – and has some reference points to 9/11.  I wasn’t prepared for it, didn’t know it, and immediately got a tightened chest and felt anxious.

No, I didn’t work at WTC. I have family that did and thank god none of them were there or had made it into work yet. I have friends who worked there – and all of them survived too. What I did lose was a “big brother” – my friend Dave’s big brother who was a firefighter.

These things take years to wash over me and penetrate my brain. At the time going to a few funerals and watching, recording, and reading all about the incident didn’t affect me.  Now, it does.  I must be slow to react or have some odd post-trauma thing going on.

Same thing is happening recently with other losses I’ve had in my life. I’m facing up to a lot of death lately and it’s no fun. NO FUCKING FUN AT ALL.