Once upon a time a princess named Kat posted a magic electric guitar up on Craigslist because she didn’t play it anymore and needed some $$. After one week of no response she reposted it and received three responses from three princes.

The first prince seemed dopey and emailed her the following: “For sale?”

The second prince asked about buying the guitar for a lower price. When the princess replied, the prince never wrote again and was attacked and eaten by a dragon.

The third prince replied and said he had a young son, a baby prince, who needed a magic guitar. However this prince was unable to pay the asking price and wanted to buy the magic guitar for $110.

The princess replied to all three princes. The first prince replied that he could pay the asking price and would mail a money order. The third prince was rather persistent and said he could pick it up today even though the princess had told him she couldn’t sell it for less than 125. He still persisted and said 110.

The princess looked at her bank account, looked at her cats, and then let the third prince know that he would not be receiving the guitar. As the first prince had agreed to pay the asking price. She wrote the following reply, hoping to soften the blow and help the third prince:

“I got your emails this morning but someone else has offered to pay me the asking price. I apologize as I know how fun it is to get a guitar for your birthday… that’s how I got started playing when I was 12.

There is a great guitar store on 3rd ave and Carroll street that may have an electric for about the same price and of course, Guitar Center in the Atlantic Mall… I know there are junior Fender guitars for 100 and less.

I hope you are able to find a cool guitar for your frog-prince son”

Then within minutes the third prince turned into a nasty ugly troll and sent the following onslaught of emails:

1:

“you offered it to me for 125 then you over ride me for somebody else without even wating for my reply „, your ad says best offer and youre telling me somebody just offeered 150 when your ad says you wwill accept less „, i dont belive it !

you should have told that person i contacted you first
ridiculous”

2:

“yea

i am going to go to a store and pay additional money like taxes„, you could have just said 125 as you offered and i would have gotten it for my son „, you ruined his bday „, oh well i should have expected that „, the right thing to do would have been to tell this other clown that somebody contacted you before him / her”
3:
“i just wanted to let you know my son is over here crying „, you ruined his damn bday „, and by the way if you know how it is to get a guitar for your bday you would have communicated with me before this scumbag who contacted you AFTER me ( excuse my language ) excuse my language , but man i am fucking pissed off ! what a waste of my time to take the time to contact people like you and then it doesnt even matter „, some schmuck comes along slower than me and gets the guitar „, UNFUCKCINGBELIEVEABLE”

The princess read these emails and turned to her girlfriend and said, “Some people are fucking nuts!!!” and then walked out in her garden to smoke a cigarette and watch the squirrels run back and forth in the trees.

The end.

This is my first day in about 4 or 5 years without a job and I have to say, I like it. Granted, yes, my bank account has dwindled down and my credit card bills are growing by leaps and bounds – I have a safety net, and it may not be the best but I have it and with that in mind I’m trying to just live.

Today I figured I would start downsizing my stuff and went around my apt gathering things I don’t need, don’t want, and can live without. So far, lots of old toys, comics, and a few instruments. I did some research online and unfortunately the first few comics I grabbed aren’t worth much and I imagine my baseball cards aren’t going to bring me bags of money either. I am writing and getting some revenue from it, pennies a day but it’s a good start to creating a portfolio and will help me get better at writing. I haven’t done that in years and realized that I needed to start again to remember how to describe things to people who can’t see it, can’t imagine it, and need to get a good sense of what is going on. Describing instructions is not the same thing which I’ve spent many days doing in email and tickets, so this is good for me and makes me exercise my dormant creative mind.

I even tried writing a poem but that was a bust… I just sat there and then said “oh screw it, I’m gonna be a pole dancer.” Then I decided to play guitar for a few hours and made a short tiny iMovie to see what I looked like. I looked funny… not funny like a clown but funny like “Am I in pain?”

I have to say looking back at the last few months there are a handful of times I’ve been super happy -
1: Going to see They Might Be Giants
2: Going to see Kathy Griffin with Jen
3: Going upstate to see my college gang
4: Going to LI to meet my friend’s new dog
5: Today when I woke up and didn’t have work

In the afternoon I took a nap – I think it’s the side effects of the meds I’m taking and didn’t have a lot of motivation to do some rescue work but I did what I could. I feel really cloudy today and that might be because I was up till about 3am last night.

I went to visit a friend in NJ and on my way back I took a walk around Manhattan, then walked around Brooklyn, then stopped at my aunt’s place. Before I knew it – it was 1am. I went home and got to my front door, reached into my bag, and didn’t have my keys. So I walked all the way back to her place, got my keys and waited to see if any taxis were around. Most that passed had people in them so I walked back home. If I had known that I’d be putting an additional 2 miles onto my little feet, I may not have wandered so much on my way back from NJ.

I got home around 2am and didn’t settle in till about 3am and woke up today at 8am. So I think my hours are a little whacky right now.

Anyway, tonight I checked the mail and got some magnetic poetry from the ASPCA. Here’s my first creation:

Take that IE!

spring cleaning, originally uploaded by jwlphotography.

This guy takes some of the coolest photos and tends to use his children 99% of the time.

I somehow managed to not blog almost a month.  I’ve also somehow managed to not go totally nuts, but just nuts enough that I’ve been encouraged to go see my doctor and get some pills. I wish they were Skittles but they will probably be paxil. At the time the recommendation was made, I was upset about it because I thought I had a good grip on things even if I was bummed about money, directions my life has taken, and still working through current relationship things and past relationship things…

Over the last week I’ve come to realize I am definitely “in the Bell Jar.” I went away this past week to see my college group of friends and that pulled me out of my head and out of my environment long enough to feel great, feel relaxed, and energized.  I hadn’t had that much physical energy in a long time. My days were spent doing a lot of walking, talking, and just being without any responsibility or  major worries.  It was a vacation but also productive.  The first few days when we were all together we all talked about jobs, lives, money, lack of money, winning the lotto, and other things that hit you when you grow up.  But we also joked a lot about silly stuff, watched some reality TV (Celebrity Apprentice), and played with the kids that some of us now have.

On the bus ride upstate I didn’t really think about a lot of things – I watched some shows on my iphone, slept, and listened to music. On the way home I could feel myself sinking and tried to sleep and tried to watch some tv shows but really just dreaded coming back to the day to day.  This isn’t to say I didn’t miss my gf. I definitely did and was happy to see her. I didn’t want to return and face the dwindling bank account, the crappy crappy 5 day workday schedule, and the growing acknowledgement that I can’t just do a job for the sake of it.  It has to mean something to me or at least sometimes change or really improve something for the greater good.  *insert Superhero cape*

Seriously though, at my past jobs there was a way to somehow find some spin on what I was doing that felt like it was helping and making a difference. When I worked at a bookstore, there were many blah days and sometimes irritating days, especially when the holidays came around, but there were also those moments when someone was truly happy. One woman was hunting for a book and I spent a long time helping her, when we found it she was so happy she jumped up and down. It was a children’s book for her granddaughter and she had been searching several stores with no luck. Things like that I remember, and those can make it worth it.  At the animal shelter, everyday you could find some reason to come back… from a new kitten or puppy who needed to have some affection to an older dog that needed a nice slow walk and some time outside away from the others.  Even at my last job there were a few clients who did things that were positively affecting others. We had children musicians, artists, and filmmakers. Some were so-so but others were providing a service or creating an environment where people were either educated or laughing or moved. Right now, I don’t have that at all in my current freelance state and it’s killing me. I’m well aware why I’m not a white-collar banking biz project manager or some biz marketer for some ginormous firm or in an ad agency writing copy for some big company’s newest car or beer… it’s cause they don’t impact or make a change the way I need to sense and see it. To make reference to that commercial from two years ago – I need the “Human Element.”

So what to do… what to do…

Well, I have been writing and submitting articles that are being published. It’s nothing fancy, but gives me a small boost that I need to start making changes. I’ve also started looking at freelance gigs in other realms and recently submitted my resume to the ASPCA for a few positions. My dream job, as it has been called, would be to become an animal control officer or humane law enforcement agent and work to protect animals, help stop violence that may be present in family situations, and also be part of the group of people that work to find animals homes that are loving and forever. Most of you guys know that I went to Boston U to get an MA in Criminal Justice with this job in mind, and I also have worked with animals on and off for the last 9 years. I’ve started looking into taking courses about animal control and have considered traveling to other states that offer week long training. The risk factor is – if I pay X amount of money and take the time to do the classes – what happens if I don’t get the job? Then I’m out the $$ and still left in the dark.

If anyone who reads this knows anyone who knows anyone – put in a good word for me.