Still Life with Cats

Once upon a time a princess named Kat posted a magic electric guitar up on Craigslist because she didn’t play it anymore and needed some $$. After one week of no response she reposted it and received three responses from three princes.

The first prince seemed dopey and emailed her the following: “For sale?”

The second prince asked about buying the guitar for a lower price. When the princess replied, the prince never wrote again and was attacked and eaten by a dragon.

The third prince replied and said he had a young son, a baby prince, who needed a magic guitar. However this prince was unable to pay the asking price and wanted to buy the magic guitar for $110.

The princess replied to all three princes. The first prince replied that he could pay the asking price and would mail a money order. The third prince was rather persistent and said he could pick it up today even though the princess had told him she couldn’t sell it for less than 125. He still persisted and said 110.

The princess looked at her bank account, looked at her cats, and then let the third prince know that he would not be receiving the guitar. As the first prince had agreed to pay the asking price. She wrote the following reply, hoping to soften the blow and help the third prince:

“I got your emails this morning but someone else has offered to pay me the asking price. I apologize as I know how fun it is to get a guitar for your birthday… that’s how I got started playing when I was 12.

There is a great guitar store on 3rd ave and Carroll street that may have an electric for about the same price and of course, Guitar Center in the Atlantic Mall… I know there are junior Fender guitars for 100 and less.

I hope you are able to find a cool guitar for your frog-prince son”

Then within minutes the third prince turned into a nasty ugly troll and sent the following onslaught of emails:

1:

“you offered it to me for 125 then you over ride me for somebody else without even wating for my reply „, your ad says best offer and youre telling me somebody just offeered 150 when your ad says you wwill accept less „, i dont belive it !

you should have told that person i contacted you first
ridiculous”

2:

“yea

i am going to go to a store and pay additional money like taxes„, you could have just said 125 as you offered and i would have gotten it for my son „, you ruined his bday „, oh well i should have expected that „, the right thing to do would have been to tell this other clown that somebody contacted you before him / her”
3:
“i just wanted to let you know my son is over here crying „, you ruined his damn bday „, and by the way if you know how it is to get a guitar for your bday you would have communicated with me before this scumbag who contacted you AFTER me ( excuse my language ) excuse my language , but man i am fucking pissed off ! what a waste of my time to take the time to contact people like you and then it doesnt even matter „, some schmuck comes along slower than me and gets the guitar „, UNFUCKCINGBELIEVEABLE”

The princess read these emails and turned to her girlfriend and said, “Some people are fucking nuts!!!” and then walked out in her garden to smoke a cigarette and watch the squirrels run back and forth in the trees.

The end.

This is my first day in about 4 or 5 years without a job and I have to say, I like it. Granted, yes, my bank account has dwindled down and my credit card bills are growing by leaps and bounds – I have a safety net, and it may not be the best but I have it and with that in mind I’m trying to just live.

Today I figured I would start downsizing my stuff and went around my apt gathering things I don’t need, don’t want, and can live without. So far, lots of old toys, comics, and a few instruments. I did some research online and unfortunately the first few comics I grabbed aren’t worth much and I imagine my baseball cards aren’t going to bring me bags of money either. I am writing and getting some revenue from it, pennies a day but it’s a good start to creating a portfolio and will help me get better at writing. I haven’t done that in years and realized that I needed to start again to remember how to describe things to people who can’t see it, can’t imagine it, and need to get a good sense of what is going on. Describing instructions is not the same thing which I’ve spent many days doing in email and tickets, so this is good for me and makes me exercise my dormant creative mind.

I even tried writing a poem but that was a bust… I just sat there and then said “oh screw it, I’m gonna be a pole dancer.” Then I decided to play guitar for a few hours and made a short tiny iMovie to see what I looked like. I looked funny… not funny like a clown but funny like “Am I in pain?”

I have to say looking back at the last few months there are a handful of times I’ve been super happy –
1: Going to see They Might Be Giants
2: Going to see Kathy Griffin with Jen
3: Going upstate to see my college gang
4: Going to LI to meet my friend’s new dog
5: Today when I woke up and didn’t have work

In the afternoon I took a nap – I think it’s the side effects of the meds I’m taking and didn’t have a lot of motivation to do some rescue work but I did what I could. I feel really cloudy today and that might be because I was up till about 3am last night.

I went to visit a friend in NJ and on my way back I took a walk around Manhattan, then walked around Brooklyn, then stopped at my aunt’s place. Before I knew it – it was 1am. I went home and got to my front door, reached into my bag, and didn’t have my keys. So I walked all the way back to her place, got my keys and waited to see if any taxis were around. Most that passed had people in them so I walked back home. If I had known that I’d be putting an additional 2 miles onto my little feet, I may not have wandered so much on my way back from NJ.

I got home around 2am and didn’t settle in till about 3am and woke up today at 8am. So I think my hours are a little whacky right now.

Anyway, tonight I checked the mail and got some magnetic poetry from the ASPCA. Here’s my first creation:

Take that IE!

spring cleaning, originally uploaded by jwlphotography.

This guy takes some of the coolest photos and tends to use his children 99% of the time.