This site is a disaster horrible sloppy mess weird grouping waste of space collection of things with stuff. If you’re looking for clowns who can make balloon animals or monkeys wearing fez caps and little vests… well, you might have better luck checking some other site like Craigslist or heading to the circus. I make no guarantees there is anything here that is worthwhile for you, but you may be amused by some of what you find.
Honestly, I haven’t blogged lately because I haven’t had much to say… and also my time has reallocated itself to school work, friends, small adventures here and there, alone time, and dating. That last one has been good for me because I realize I learn a lot about myself in relationship (and out of them). After the fall semester ended, I spent a week hibernating and then re-emerged ready to play with friends, get things done, and date. I met a few people and a few looked like they would be become friends or acquaintances or whatever… and they faded. I wasn’t too upset about it, maybe a little ego-bruising occurred, but it’s good for my ego to get smacked around now and then… keeps it in check.
A few months ago an “ex” (never had a title) and I emailed each other. It’s possible I initiated the contact, but I don’t remember. The end result – rehashed what happened, why I’m angry and why she bolted and now we are back to no contact, no social network contact, and basically – deleted from each other’s lives. And I think that’s the best thing for us.
A friend of mine commented to me that she didn’t understand this fucked up “need” to stay friends with exes. As she put it exes are exes for a reason. I’m friends with 2 exes. But it wasn’t easy… and I was friendly to several other people I used to date but they’ve all faded as time has gone on.
The thing about dating for me – I tend to reminisce about past relationships – not in a “oh I miss them” sort of way… but more so in a evaluative way. I find myself looking at all the good things that were present in the relationships and things that didn’t work for me. I spend time figuring out why they didn’t work for me (qualities of the person, not the person per se). I also spend time thinking about my contributions and how I would like to improve upon my flaws. This kind of sounds like I overthink things… and hell, I probably do. But I think it makes me a better version of who I am…
As for other things, I’m starting to feel burned out from school. Again. With finals around the corner I’m also starting to feel anxiety and fear of failure is in the back of my head. Last week I got into a discussion about my fear of success, which I won’t rehash here. It’s been an introspective week and I will be glad when this semester is over and I can randomly sleep in late, go for a long walk, read a novel, and just Be.
And maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to post something that isn’t disjointed and retarded on this site.