This site is a disaster horrible sloppy mess weird grouping waste of space collection of things with stuff. If you’re looking for clowns who can make balloon animals or monkeys wearing fez caps and little vests… well, you might have better luck checking something like Tinder or heading to the circus. I make no guarantees there is anything here that is worthwhile for you, but you may be amused by some of what you find.
Heading towards burnout stage is here. Almost everyday I think, “Can I skip class?” and then don’t…because I’m aware of how much each class costs and how much information I can miss. I’ve been counting down the days to spring break where I can sleep in a little, do work, and limit myself to about 4 hours a day of school work. The week will fly by. It did last year.
This week hit me hard. It started out fine. I was motivated. I wrote emails that I needed to write. I did freelance work that I needed to do. Read all the pages I needed to read. Then slowly starting on Tuesday it felt like I was being hit with arrows. One at a time. I acknowledged them and moved on. But each additional arrow just made everything hurt more. Email replies that were critical, yet not harsh, but critical… Arrows. Messages that were understandable but cancelling plans…Arrows. Hearing stories from people who had similar childhoods like I did and knowing how it felt… knowing that I’m lucky… but it triggered my memories… ARROWS. Hearing other students boast about how they don’t need to read for class and just “get it” – which I know is false – but still… Arrows – and I know to not compare my insides to someone else’s outside but still… it got to me.
Today started out with unknown grumpiness. I had no tolerance for anything that was out of the normal routines of a Thursday.
I did what I knew to do: walked away from it all, ate lunch alone, did homework, went to class, went to a coffee shop, did research, and finally felt social around 7pm…and felt all my feelings. So here I am at midnight feeling vulnerable, weak, better, and fragile. Plus my ribs hurt from trying to control my breathing and holding tension.
At least after tomorrow I have the weekend to recharge for one more week of what is known as law school or how to feel like a failure for 3 years.