This site is a disaster horrible sloppy mess weird grouping waste of space collection of things with stuff. If you’re looking for clowns who can make balloon animals or monkeys wearing fez caps and little vests… well, you might have better luck checking some other site like Craigslist or heading to the circus. I make no guarantees there is anything here that is worthwhile for you, but you may be amused by some of what you find.
This was a tough week after a really fun weekend. Wednesday was a mix of good and bad – from being shot down in class (as a whole class) to then having a great Civil Procedures class I went home feeling somewhat ok but exhausted about it all. I did get to end my night laughing so that was nice but still, this week was just emotionally draining. Thurs and today I’ve spent about 13 to 16 hours each day doing homework. It’s been two days of getting up, going to class, doing homework, eating, more homework, trying to take breaks, and then passing out in bed… and a mild headache. Surprisingly, I’ve not been too moody about it. Mostly just drained.
Last night at a meeting, the topic was detachment and a good number of stories dealt with parents who had children that no longer wanted to have close contact with them. Reasons weren’t clear and they don’t need to be but there were some things I heard that made me angry. First, several stories were about children who were adults and had moved away with minimal contact to their parents. Second, the parents conveying these stories took a victim role in some instances. Third, some of the parents continued to contact the children and not respect the boundary or “detach” and kept doing what they did… which I imagine might contribute to why their children created distance. Other stories were just stories of parents and children trying to live separate lives, creating boundaries, and worrying but no longer interfering; I was ok with that.
So, I shared my story… I’m the adult (kid) who detached from my parent(s) and no longer have any contact. My father has no idea that I moved to Oregon, am in law school, have tattoos, or anything. I haven’t spoken to him since I was 18 and last time I saw him I think I was 30. We didn’t speak. He just stared at me like a creep. I shared why I cut off contact, why it’s better for me, and how there’s two sides to every story.
One thing I’ve noticed: When you are the one doing the action, it seems justified. When the action is being done to you, it seems unfair.
I think that meeting, my time in Eugene, and being in this uncertain limbo called school is good for me in many ways but also is stressing me out in others. This city feels too small, too slow, and too wishy washy at times. These meetings feel less forward moving/progressive than what I’m used to. School, however, is fine overall, just a tough week and finals will be somewhat scary.
Tonight I’m home, inside, and warm… I have food, shelter, good friends, my cats, and a warm bed to go sleep in. I have lots of love in my life, lots of compassion, and laughter. This is all good. I’m lucky. I’m finding balance. I’m sane. I’m wholehearted. I’m also a pain in the ass. Nothing is ever one thing.